Already?

Sunday nights come way too fast.

I planned to be a little ambitious this week, I hope it works out!

Also decided that I’d give ___ many more shots, instead of deciding I’m too jaded/disillusioned to continue anymore. And if it doesn’t work out, I will not be emotional about it.

Already looking forward to Lifegroup on Friday- we are cooking our very own reunion lunch at Louisa’s. Excitings.

On a side note, I enjoyed the solitude today. Studying alone is quite (strangely) therapeutic.

Lastly, God is very, very good. :) :) Speaks to me through the little things which somehow just manage to blow me away, again & again.

Odie

Sent another dear friend off this week. Hello Junhua, if you’re reading this, I’m missing you already! Swimming feels funny without you. The title of this post is dedicated to you. Haha.

School’s getting crazy. I can hardly keep track of the numerous deadlines I have over the next few weeks. Assignments/Projects take a higher weightage than the final exams for all 3 of my Marketing core modules, imagine the work load :S Accounting has been (thankfully), understandable so far; always feel so enlightened after every week’s tutorial :)

Quotable quote of the week- ‘There’s no better time to be ready than now.’ by Lim Hui Wei. I was blown away by this statement she made, when she told me why she decided to serve as a shepherd, after deliberating for very long.

In response to the favour poured out graciously to us, I want to be faithful. I want to take what God has given and multiply it, with His strength & grace. This means, time to work even harder. :) & having said that, I want to remember, the honour & glory is God’s alone.

Found my FYP groupmates- Tracee & Kuangting! So excited to work with them. I really hope we’d be able to do something ‘meaningful’. I know this time, this project group is going to be different. :)

o_o

Its 824pm, I’m glad to declare that I’m finally done with applications for internship & the bulk of tuesday’s presentation! Whew. Been staring at the laptop since early afternoon, pretty zonked by now. Still got a chunk of work to do though. I contemplated going for a run just now to clear my head but I was too lazy, no surprise.

My immediate response when I first saw the internship application page was fear. I did absolutely nothing worth mentioning in NTU, no CCA, no prestigious competitions, no CIP, zilch. Plus, no relevant work experience either. Then I started to feel stressed because I knew I had to find a way to say something to sound impressive even though I hardly had much. Even imagined the person processing applications chucking mine aside.

You may be thinking, you asked for it! & Yes, I asked for it. But then I asked myself again, ‘Are you ashamed of yourself for being so seemingly insignificant, from the looks of your resume?’ And Nope, I’m not the least bit ashamed. Not of having a lousy resume, not of being labelled as poorer than the rest, because I know what I’ve invested in. I know this is the cost of it, but I’m still dead sure I’d keep doing it.

And though this episode did make me stressed at the start, I know God used it to strengthen my conviction again. :) Investing in the Kingdom of God is never a wrong choice, even with the costs involved.

Most important

Whew, week’s finally over! :) Turned out to be busier than i thought it would be. Certain highlights of the week include: catching up with chunkang at NTU/lunching with patrice/finally receiving phu’s email reply, which totally made my day (insert many smileys)/time of learning & refreshment at lifegroup/Accounting Tutorial 2 which made me feel stupid (haha no surprise)/spending time with my shepherd/4 pints of Ben & Jerry’s that Daddy bought home (WOOO)/dinner with junhua who is flying off next week ):

A soul winner is single-minded in his/her pursuit. In reality, distractions come so disguised, so easily- in the form of fleeting thoughts, from an active, yet unrestrained mind. Sometimes, you wouldn’t even know what to guard against, because these things don’t appear as damaging as they can be, in your eyes. So I’ve been trying my best to guard my personal time with God fiercely. Because it is in these moments, when God reveals, that you realise what you’re up against. Sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, from a sustained prayer life helps me to be more self aware of these things that set me up against being single-minded in my pursuit of God.

All because, I want to be more like Jesus.

You deserve the Highest praise.

I can never get enough of hearing/seeing stories of real people, friends around me, who simply want to love God more, even in the smallest of ways. It doesn’t have to come in mega, awe-inspiring actions that will capture the attention of many. Instead, it often goes unnoticed, unless to the seasoned eye. And it warms my heart aplenty, that we’re starting to share a little more of something that I’d give my all for.

My heart’s smiling all the way to bed tonight, I bet. :)

monsters

it warms my heart to see people serious & self motivated in serving God. :)

today, i msged val & yuli to remind them to meet up to discuss outreach plans and tell me by the end of the week. to my great surprise, they’d already done so, on saturday. i really underestimated these 2 girls! wow.. i really am impressed + superbly encouraged.

Work in progress

another of those days where i get so frustrated with myself & feel really 糟糕。its an all too familiar kind of feeling which i actually fear, coz i’ve seen what it can do to me. but i refuse to give in & let my emotions/thoughts get the better of me. and that is when God reminded me this.

‘I’m not done with you. Not yet.’

i can’t expect to grow out of a weakness in a span of one month, and not expect any relapses along the way. while i’m still trying to, i need to learn to be patient with myself. of course, without letting it become a mere excuse. i need to  stop being so easily frustrated by my own weaknesses such that it consumes me to the point that i cannot see God. and others cannot see God in me.

that would be missing the point. for the finished work of the Potter is to reflect the skill & dexterity of the Potter’s hands, and to bring fame to Him.

tuesday’s thoughts

Intentional Discipleship requires a lot of hard work.

this realisation hit me in the face today. maybe its pretty obvious to you, but i only just began to see how much it really takes. from the praying to the planning to the executing- these things don’t just come to you like that. there has got to be a certain amount of effort involved, even if its just one meet-up, one shepherding, one meeting. multiply that by the number of meet-ups you plan per week & there you go.

so maybe it isn’t such a easy thing to declare afterall, that i’m ‘all-in’ into intentional discipleship. something i got to constantly ask myself is, ‘am i willing to slog it out?’ and if not, why not. i don’t want to let myself become the kind of person who declares my desire to do things for God on a whim & not know what i’ve gotten myself into. worse still, falsely mislead others into thinking i’m better than i really am.

some days, i reach home so tired after a day of school + meetups that i can only muster enough strength to spend some time finding rest in God. (well that alone takes so much discipline on such days) but i know that’s exactly, and only what i need. as for my tutorials…. heehee. still trying to get used to not sleeping so much so i can start working on them :)

yet my heart’s at peace. because i know my God loves me.

monday joys

1. Waking up & realising that my fever from last night was gone (though i skipped morn class hee)

2. Mom who fussed over me in the morning because i was feeling nauseous/having diarrhea. kind of enjoyed it, since she usually nags.

3. Receiving a msg from gaotian who shared about how God blessed him today. (totally made my day)

4. Meeting with yanming, molly & leon which was fruitful & enjoyable.

-

recently realised i’ve the habit of hoarding time. taking so much ownership of my ‘own’ time that i always have misgivings when people ask me to do so called ‘last minute’ things, or things which are not very convenient or not planned in ‘my timetable’. just because i like to feel in control of my time. something i read somewhere made me want to be less selfish in this aspect. because time is not something i own of my own accord, its a gift from God. i am, but a mere steward of it. so the question really is- am i being a good steward of time?

i hope the weird nausea/diarrhea thingy goes away by tmr! i want to eat i want to eat.

how now.

‘ The rule for all of us is perfectly simple. Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbour; act as you did. As soon as we do this, we find some of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you love someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injured someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less.’

C.S Lewis

Note to Self: Shying away does not help you love a person more.

-

my first day of school was good. i went into a 4h class at 830am, realising that most of my classmates were year 3 marketing students (who pretty much knew each other) because i didn’t realise that elective was meant for year 3s. i panicked a little, but they were so friendly i enjoyed the rest of the class so much. the prof was funny, i liked what i was learning. (the module: Retail Management) the sad thing was – they urged me to consider dropping it because the other modules i’m taking this sem ‘are crazy’. sigh.

then again, maybe i’d just decide to challenge myself ;) shall think about it again!